I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
