I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
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i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
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I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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