She's JV to your varsity
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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