So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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