The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
