i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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