Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
