At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize