Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
