Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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