Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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