My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
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it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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