yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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