hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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