P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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