you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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