There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She told me I should be a condom model.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
