I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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