I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
