What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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