just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
