can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
