How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
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I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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