Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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