so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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