Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize