It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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