Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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