just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
