i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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