Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
