i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
