You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
