we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
