come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
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thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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