All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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