My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
