When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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