Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
