Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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