"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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