He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Just cropdusted the office
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
