can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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