And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
