I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
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I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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