just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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