Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
