Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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