I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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