so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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