come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
