You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
