We need to rekindle our bromance
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
