it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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