so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
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