she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
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I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
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