can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
