I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My vagina is very pro this idea
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
