Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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