her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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