i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
