6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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